Speluncaphobia
by 191615311
Summary: "Speluncaphobia: the fear of caves."


"C'mon Kili, we can stay in here until the rain stops." Fili is tugging on his hand but Kili stops short.

"I'm not sure Fee…" He starts to back away. Fili turns to his brother, tightening his grip on Kili's hand.

"What is it?"

"I'm just not sure it's safe." Kili presses closer into his brother as he gazes into the entrance to the cave. "It's not raining that hard."

Fili casts him a doubtful look and Kili knows why. It's raining so hard their clothes are nearly soaked through and they can barely see where they're going. "Not safe? Are you… _scared_?"

Kili shuffles his feet and looks away. "'Course not."

"I know when you're lying, brother." Fili grips Kili's hand tighter and tugs. "Come on, it's perfectly fine. We'll stay right in the entrance, won't go any further back than that."

"Alright, I suppose." Kili can barely make himself move. He doesn't want to go into the cave. Fili wants to. He anchors himself on that. Fili wants him to. Fili will keep him safe. Fili will always keep him safe. It works long enough to get him into the cave and he slumps against the wall, sliding down to the ground. It is nice to be out of the rain, even if his clothes are still wet. It works until he looks further into the cave. Into the yawning darkness that seems so close, that could swallow them so easily.

He isn't his breathing has sped up until Fili is crouched in front of him, holding his hands, calling his name. When Kili looks up at him the entire world swims around him and he ducks his head down again. Fili's hand presses gently to the back of his head, guiding between his knees. "Breathe." Fili tells him, stroking his hair. "Don't look at it. If you need something to look at, look at me. I'll keep you safe." And Kili does.

It isn't until that night, long after the rain has stopped, when they're laying safe in bed that Fili asks. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"We're dwarves." Kili says, as if that answers everything, and really it does.

"You still could have told me."

"I wasn't always that scared." Kili says, instead of answering. Now he's started, he needs to get this out. "Remember when you'd just come of age and I tripped in that rabbit hole and twisted my ankle?"

It takes Fili a moment to recall it but he nods, and Kili continues. "I didn't trip in a rabbit hole and twist my ankle. You were at your lessons and ma told me to play with the other kids."

_"Just do it, we'll be here waiting."_

_"Yeah. And we'll be here if you yell. We'll come get you." He didn't want to do it, of course. Didn't want to go into the cave. But they called him a coward, told him if he didn't they'd tell everyone how much of a coward he was. And they said it was the only way he could play with them. So he slowly made his way into the cave, until the only light was from the torch he was carrying. He didn't remember it seeming this big from the outside._

_He could do this, could make it to the back of the cave to get a rock and bring it out. But which back of the cave? The path had branched off twice already and he was starting to think he should turn around. His torch was burning low and the darkness was closing in on him. Surely the rocks here weren't that different from the back of the cave, right? And he'd been in there long enough. He scooped up a rock and pocketed it, turning to make his way back out._

_The return trip took quite a long time. It had been a while but he didn't recall walking in to have taken this long. Maybe it was because he was walking uphill. Yes, that must be it, he would just keep walking. Except, he couldn't keep walking because suddenly his foot caught on something and he fell heavily, his torch rolling out of his grasp and into a puddle of water, extinguishing entirely and plunging him into darkness. But they'd come for him if he shouted._

_"Help!" His voice echoed off the cave walls. "My torch went out and I hurt my ankle!"_

_He shouldn't go anywhere. He remembers being told not to go anywhere if he was lost, just to wait for someone to come get him._

_No one comes. Eventually he realizes no one is going to come. He's alone and hurt and he can't see anything, but he has to get out of there. He pushes himself up, glad he's still facing the way he was walking. He reaches for the walls, finding them both just within arms reach, and begins walking, but he can't find the entrance. He's sure he's lost now, he's going to die in here, and he can barely stand on his ankle._

_He sinks to the ground, his sobs echoing around him. He doesn't know how long he sits there and cries before he sees it. There's a light in the distance. Torchlight, steadily moving closer, and he sits up, shouting again. "Help!"_

_"Kili!" Someone responds and he recognizes the voice of Bofur, the toymaker who runs a stall in the market and watches Fili and Kili sometimes when their mother is busy. Within moments Bofur is there, crouched in front of him, torch carefully placed on the wall next to him. "Been lookin' for you. One o' the girls was worried about you, told me what they'd done." He holds out a hand to help pull Kili up. "C'mon, I'll get you out."_

_"I hurt my ankle." Kili confesses. "I'm not sure I can walk on it."_

_Bofur gently takes the offered foot, pulling Kili's boot off. "It's swelled up pretty good. If y' can't walk I'll carry you."_

_When they make it out of the cave something strikes Kili. "Please don't tell anyone about this. Please. I'll say I tripped in a rabbit hole. I don't want everyone to know I-"_

_Bofur cuts him off. "I promise I won't tell, lad."_

"And I've been scared of caves ever since."

"Anyone would be scared of caves after that." Fili tells him, ever the voice of reason. "I should've gone looking for you when you weren't waiting for me after my lessons."

"I was stupid, 's not your fault, you can't always be there to protect me."

"You still should have told me. You should have trusted me not to tell anyone, or think less of you."

"Maybe, but I did tell you eventually, and I haven't told anyone else. So I still trust you more than everyone else. Now, I'm tired." Kili pulls the covers tighter around them. "Let's go to sleep."

"Alright, but next time something like that happens... tell me, okay?"

"I probably won't be that stupid again."

"I wouldn't be so sure about- Ow!"

"I'm not stupid."

"Go to sleep Kili."


End file.
